analogthis | open rp/inbox

( how many days can nathan go pretending that max caulfield doesn't exist? let's count them:

the week after he cried like a pussy-ass bitch in her bedroom, he doesn't come to school. any and all texts sent to his phone go unanswered, and he can't be found in his dorm.

he'd left max's dorm with murder on his mind, but he he's never wanted to kill anyone, not really. his psychiatrist calls it a "defense mechanism," his tendency to act big and bad when he's feeling small and afraid. he doesn't know what he's supposed to do with this knowledge, so he fires that psychiatrist.

his new one is better, quieter with his analysis, but no less accurate. when he asks why nathan took a week away from school, he pretends to be satisfied with an answer like 'because I do what I want'. they change his meds anyway, which he doesn't mind since these new ones sell for more.

he returns to class on a tuesday and lets the rumor mill spin out about him having an 'episode' or an 'expulsion'. both of those sound better than the reality, being too embarrassed to face max without a week buffer between himself and their last meeting.

and even then, he doesn't talk to her. )

[It feels a little like karmic retribution. She spent five years ghosting her best friend. The first person who touches her decides to ghost her too. Without a single word as to why. It brings up all those "you suck, Max" feelings of being the worst friend in the entire universe. Because the first person she let touch her was also the person she literally saw kill her best friend. (Even if that didn't stick. Even if she prevented it from happening in their current timeline.) Who the fuck does that? Who the fuck then wants him again? Who cries at night because that person doesn't seem to want them in their life anymore? This bitch, right here. Apparently.

She doesn't tell anyone. She hangs out with Chloe two days, Warren three, and Dana. Dana she visits every single day she can, when she's not too busy with Trevor. And Dana is the one who gets the closest thing to the truth from her. She deserves it for having Max pry into her whole pregnancy scare thing. She doesn't mention Nathan's name and she doesn't mention the crying. She mentions the drunk/high hookup, it having been her first time, and the guy ghosting her. (Her journal, of course, she tells everything.)

Dana helps her feel a little less bad. She's gotta be the sweetest popular girl to ever exist on the face of the planet. They watch silly chick flicks and binge frozen yogurt. Dana asks about her photography, and gets into seeing her photos. They text every day.

At 2am every night, Nathan's phone receives a picture text of Lisa saying and doing various dorky things (including the absolute worst plant puns). She just feels like she needs Nathan to know she's still there, and available. But sending him pictures of herself feels like it would be too much. Maybe he doesn't want to see her face. He has all the money in the world, he could always buy a new phone, a new number. Maybe he has already, and nobody is receiving the plant child pictures. That would be fine. She'd probably still continue to send them, if only for her own sake.

She gets drunk the Friday night after Nathan returns to classes. With Dana, Trevor, Justin, and Chloe. At 2 am Friday night, Nathan doesn't get a picture of Lisa. He gets a single text:

max
miss yuo

...And then very shortly, a slew of them from Dana Ward.

dana
you absolute asshole
I should totally kick your ass for how you've treated Max
you don't pop a girl's chery and then GHOST her
who raised you?!

Someone drunkenly let slip to Dana who the mystery guy was. Whoops.]

( if it helps her conscience even a little, shooting chloe had been an accident, like every other death he's been responsible for. regardless, shacking up with your best friend's murderer is sure to cause some conflicts. nathan feels them, too. beyond his humiliating display of vulnerability, just the act of attempting to get close to max caulfield is doing his head it. max, who hangs out with chloe. chloe, who he attempted to drug and photograph in a misguided attempt at impressing mister jefferson. jefferson, who says he's got potential. there's guilt there, like there's guilt with everything he's come to associate with this place. it's all getting too entangled. none of this was supposed to happen.

victoria is relieved when he returns, and he sticks close to her. she doesn't ask about this new clinginess, instead taking it as an opportunity to catch nathan up on the latest gossip. babe, where'd you go? taylor took some old guy home. like, ew, barf. and max looks even more like a sad face loser. hilarious. but jefferson has been suuuch a grump.

each night, he gets a picture of a plant. he can't bring himself to reply, doesn't know how. still, he shakes with the fear that one day, he won't recieve them, that max will give up on him and move on, that she'll stop trying to reach him. that, too, makes him cry. he stares at 'let’s root for each other,' and he begs through sobs that max never changes, that she never gets involved in this and end up a victim.

no one knows how sorry he is.

when friday rolls around, the vortex club has a party already lined up. the theme is simple, but it's not like anyone outside the decorating committee cares about the theme. parties are an excuse to get high, and get drunk, and not much else, really. it could be a christmas party for all nathan cares.

he's four shots and a few lines deep when the texts roll in. he's feeling too good to let that first one hurt him, but when the string of messages roll in, he has to say something. )

To: Dana
wrong number
fuck off

To: Max
dana???
you told fuckign dana ???

( he didn't know max and dana were friends, but max is so likable, it shouldn't come as a surprise.

and 'ghost' isn't particularly accurate, either. like, yes, he ghosted, but max knows why. after crying in her dorm, he didn't have a choice. )

[The replies are immediate.

max
HEY
don't get mad at her for that
she's drunk she didn't mean to let your name slip
but she's been hung up over this mystery guy for like a week
I'm not stupdldhdnaadjd

Okay, so, clearly, Dana has taken Max's phone at the moment. (And a drunk Max is attempting to take it back.) Which means, should he actually want to talk to Max...

max
TALK to her
I don't mean text eihter
you come find us or you call
do the right thign nathan ]

( 'prescott' and 'right thing' are hardly synonymous. he looks up from his phone, takes in his empire of drunken partiers. he and vic have the corner table, a space where they can watch everyone and laugh with impunity. hayden's with them, too.

why would he leave this for anything?

... )

naggy bitch
where are you?

tell anyone about this and i'll fukc you up

( vortex alliances be damned. )

ugh im not gonna TELL anyone
i wouldnt betray max like that
she's a good bean

parking lot
sending Trevor justn Chloe inside for munchies
youve got a few minutes

[Dana seems completely unfazed by being called a naggy bitch or threatened. She's seen Nathan threaten people before, even if it wasn't her.]

please come
even if its just to tell her gooodbye
she deserves closueer
and sorry for bitching at you

[Medium amount of sorry, anyway.]

( max being a 'good bean' is sorta the whole problem. and what the fuck is with people apologizing to him? )

whatever
just keep that punk bitch away from me

( it'd be bad otherwise. bad for him, bad for her, bad for max.

vic looks surprised when he stands, but he tells her he's meeting frank in the parking lot for a re-up. it'll be hard to explain himself when he returns empty-handed, but that's a problem for future nathan.

so he makes his way outside, finds where they've made themselves comfortable. it's more chilly than he expected, but it's october, so he shouldn't be surprised. )

...Beat it, Dana.

( whatever he wants to say to max, he doesn't need some nosy prep hanging around to hear it. )

[The two girls are sitting on the retaining wall in the parking lot, Max's head in Dana's lap and the taller girl is petting her hair. Dana is a little drunk too, and high, if the color in her cheeks and eyes are anything to go by.

She shakes Max's shoulder gently when she sees Nathan coming down the sidewalk, whispers something to her. Max sits bolt upright like she's been shocked, looking wide-eyed at Dana before she turns her gaze around to find Nathan. And her eyes immediately soften.

He tells Dana to beat it and she rolls her eyes. "I was gonna. But if your truck is here, maybe take her over there? You'll have more privacy, less chance of running into Chloe. But if she doesn't call me in fifteen minutes, I'm coming to find you both."

She stands up, earrings dangling with the movement, and helps Max up as well before she essentially hands her off to him and walks away. The look she passes him as she leaves isn't threatening or a glare, it's gratitude. She's glad he's here to talk to her. She even gives him a nod as she heads back inside the building.

And Max...]

Did you get Lisa's pictures? Was that too stupid?

( nathan isn't sure what to do with someone looking at him like he's done something good, so he looks away as max gets hefted into his grasp. she's lighter than he remembered.

when she speaks up, he considers lying. maybe he should say he doesn't know what she's talking about. but she's so earnest when she's drunk, she asks about these photos like they're the most important thing in the world. he's drunk, too. fortunately, nathan's better when he's fucked up than when he's sober. drugs take the edge off, dull the voices in his head. )

No, they were... ( ~~endearing, precious, perfect~~ ) ...the right about of stupid. Or whateverthefuck.

( god, he doesn't know what he's doing. taking max back to his truck, he considers just talking outside, but privacy is what he's after. fifteen minutes to make this right, as if he knows what 'right' is. he takes a moment to dig into his pocket for the keys, then begins to lift her up into the cab. )

Dana, huh? Didn't know you fucked with her.

( he didn't know chloe still fucked with anyone at this school, either. anyone outside of max, anyway.

he knows he just needs to say sorry, but nathan's certain that once he starts apologizing, he won't be able to stop. )

[The "right amount of stupid" is the perfect answer apparently because Max momentarily grins at him, opening her mouth to respond before she gives a soft "eep" sound at being lifted, then laughs, her face lightly flushed.]

Wowsers. Wasn't expecting that. Thought I was flying for a second there... [And wouldn't that be funny. Triggering a second superpower. Still wouldn't make her a hero, not even close.] Oh, Dana! Right. Yeah, I... couldn't talk to Chloe or Warren.

[For obvious reasons. She didn't want Chloe finding out it was Nathan and though she tells Warren a lot of stuff, she does not feel comfortable talking to him about losing her virginity. For one, it might just hurt him. She doesn't want to hurt anyone.]

Dana's been through some shit, and she's so sweet. Didn't know her that well before... last week? We've hung out a lot recently. We have a froyo date tomorrow. Oh my god, I never meant to tell her your name, I swear, and I didn't tell her about my room, just that I had my first time with someone who wasn't responding to my texts anymore. Are you angry with me?

( once max is safely housed inside, nathan planned on shutting the door and walking around to the other side to let himself in. but max is drunkenly rattling on with so much enthusiasm, it'd be shitty to slam a door in her face now. after taking a glance behind him, he figures it'd be easier to just follow her inside by climbing over her, which he does with some effort, because he's still drunk himself.

from an outsider's point of view, it looks suspiciously like nathan has pushed a drunk girl into his car, checked if the coast was clear, then entered in after her. what a goddamn creep.

he settles beside her just as she ends on 'are you mad at me,' and he's not sure if he is or not. not entirely. he's more angry about having people in his business than he is with max specifically. )

Not mad, just...

( he wants to be her pillow. he wants to be the person who walks her home. )

...freaked out. All this shit, it's fucking... Wait, did you say 'wowsers'? ( it takes a second for the absurdity of that to register. his laugh is nice, and soft, and devoid of malice. ) Are you nine?

[Oh. He's climbing over her. She's momentarily interrupted in her drunk rambling, and by the time he's settled on the other side of her, her face is considerably redder. For a split second there she'd almost gotten the wrong idea.

She watches him as he answers, shifting to lean back against the car door so she can face him. And laughs at his question.]

Yeah. I say that. I really like your laugh, I wish I could hear it more often. I've been wanting to say that you're allowed to show your emotions in front of me, Nathan. You're human and emotions are normal.

( he'd expected her to do the responsible thing and pretend that nothing ever happened. doesn't look like he's getting that lucky.

so, the mirth he'd felt dies in an instant. )

Don't talk about that. Nothing happened.

[She groans and drops her head back against the window. Why are guys like this? Oh, right. Patriarchal conditioning.]

Fuck toxic masculinity. Seriously. Shoulda lost my virginity to a girl. Too late now, I can't rewind that far and I like you, and I liked it. Just wish I knew how to help you...

[She could have rewound a little, just now, maybe. She's tested the powers a tiny bit while inebriated and they do still work, but they're harder to control. It gives her a headache. And last time a nosebleed.

Anyway, if she never says anything, nothing will ever change. Nathan needs her to have said that. She's very sure of that. Of course, she's also still drunk, so. Easy to be certain of something when you're drunk.]

( there's so much to unpack in that sentence— )

Rewind what? Life isn't a movie. Fuck, if I wish it was, sometimes.

( he'd edit so much shit out if he could. rewind is a weird choice of words, but they're both drunk, so it hardly registers.

being liked by max is the least surprising thing about all this. )

I get it. I like— you. ( he moves past that part as quickly as he can. it hurts to linger on it. he spent a week in isolation so he wouldn't have to linger on it. ) But things are fucked up. Here. Arcadia Bay is fucked. You wanna help me, burn this place to the ground. Or, I dunno, run away or some shit.

( he runs a hand through his hair, looks at her through messy bangs. )

I mean it. Get outta here, Max. For me. 'Cause I can't.

[After he repeats the word "rewind," she becomes aware, even drunk, she should not have said that. There's an urge again to tell him but... fuck, they're both messed up right now, aren't they? Would he even believe her? She sidesteps explaining that for now.

...and then immediately smiles, this small, secret, pleased smile, when he says he likes her. That probably shouldn't fill her with as much warmth as it does. She looks at him and brushes her hair away from her face. He looks good with his hair like that, actually... Right, totally getting distracted.

The smile drops, and she scoots a little closer to him, resting a hand on his knee.]

If you want to leave, what's keeping you here?

[It's not that she's asking him to run away with her or something. She couldn't. Not only does she like a lot of the people here, there's a sense of responsibility... She can help people. And Chloe... If she ever just drops and runs, it would have to be with Chloe. She couldn't stomach leaving her. Even if she is currently lying to her about Nathan.]

( he's buzzed enough to respond to her question with a joyless laugh. a sober, more angry nathan would sooner resort to insults. he's feeling good. feeling liked. it helps that he's drunk. he doesn't immediately assume her feelings are a lie. )

This is my town. It's got my fucking name on it.

( her hand's on his knee, and it's sweet. it's like they like each other. he takes a moment to fix his hair before doing something incredibly stupid — resting his head on her shoulder. it's a belated apology, returning the hug he wasn't able to accept before, but in a less huggy way. )

[All of the Lisa pictures would have been real overkill if her feelings were a lie.

She breathes in shallowly, when he rests his head on her shoulder, and brings her arm up to wrap around him. She can't keep the soft smile off her face, even as she angles her head slightly to press her lips briefly to Nathan's temple.

A memory flashes, Nathan in the bathroom talking to Chloe. "That's my family, not me." Yet he also goes around saying he owns the town, the school...]

You're a complicated man, Nathan Prescott. Sure keeps me on my toes. But does that mean you don't really like your family?

[She can't imagine liking Sean Prescott, based on what she knows of him. But she also hadn't ever imagined liking Nathan Prescott.]

( he hadn't considered it to be particularly complicated until now. it'd all seemed so obvious, but her words are a reminder that people aren't living in his head. max really doesn't know anything. he should be overjoyed by her ignorance. he's been forcing people to stay away, and they have.

but now, he's feeling the consequences of that. max really doesn't know anything, and it all feels too large to broach. )

...We got ten minutes before your girlfriend comes looking for you. ( whether her 'girlfriend' is dana or chloe in this case isn't clear. sitting up slightly, he touches max's hair, smooths a few strands behind her ear. ) Vic's gonna start blowing me up here, too.

You really wanna spend that time talking about my family? Cliffnotes version, they suck... Except my sister. She's sorta like you. Idealistic and shit.

( —not what he'd planned on saying. when's the last time he's mentioned his sister to anyone? it's a nice thought, though.

kris would really like max. )

She just said I had to call her. [Apparently Max is assuming Dana and not Chloe, maybe just because she was the one who said that.

All of these soft and sweet touches are kind of killing her when she doesn't know exactly where they stand. If they're going to keep seeing each other, even if just in private, or... not.

She feels a certain warmth hearing Nathan talk about his sister, because it makes her happy that he at least has someone else in his life who maybe cares about him, who isn't toxic to him or for him. Though she is only assuming that.]

We can talk about something else... I guess the most important question is can I see you again? Can we do... this [She takes a hold of his hand in her own, laces their fingers together like he did that night in her room.] more often?

Yeah. We could. But...

( but realistically, he knows that he's damaged goods. it's only a matter of time before he falls apart and takes max down with him.

he takes a breath. )

I'm probably gonna make you cry again. ( it's the only thing he feels certain of. )

[A pause. Then she squeezes his hand in her own, and tries to meet his gaze.]

Nathan. Do you want to keep doing this?

( he doesn't need think about it. )

Yeah. I do. ( he looks at her, expression solemn and devoid of anger. he's got soft features, but they're easy to miss with his perpetual scowl. ) Just don't let me fuck you up. That's all. That's it.

( like max offered before, he brings his forehead to rest against hers. when he wakes up, he might not believe any of this was real, least of all this moment of intimacy. )

...Run when it gets shitty.

( don't try to save him. )

[Her breath catches, audibly, at his look. A second ago maybe she could have made that promise (yeah, right), but he's making it impossible. She wants this too much.

Dropping his hand in favor of cupping his jaw in both of her hands, she presses a soft kiss to his lips. Sweet, chaste, brief, unless he tries to prolong it.]

I want this so much. And I wish with all my heart that you'll let me into yours. In whatever amount, okay? However long it takes. If you need to disappear again? Do it. But tell me. Send me one message that you need space, and that you'll be back. That you don't... hate me. Can you do that for me? Or, just promise to try?

( his skin is buzzing. the coke in his system makes him feel invincible, like he could do anything, even this. when she kisses him, he feels even higher. alive with something he can't explain.

hormones, he's sticking with that.

the immediate response to her request, something along the lines of 'what are you, my fucking mother?,' dies in his throat at the words 'for me'. the need to be prickly and unavailable comes to him in sharp pangs, but he's better at ignoring them when they're like this. )

I don't hate you. You're a seriously nosy bitch, but... but if anyone can fix the shit in this town, it's you.

( which isn't necessarily a request. he doesn't want her any deeper, and he plans on actively thwarting her attempts at getting to the truth. maybe jefferson will see this as a good thing. maybe he'll praise him for what a good job he's done keeping max off their trails. maybe he'll finally say 'good job,' and nathan can be whole again.

he tips his chin forward and kisses her again, longer, more lingering. he could stay here forever, he thinks. )

So, what, you wanna be... exclusive? Or something?

( because calling her his girlfriend feels too far out of reach. )

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